Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Ayurvedic Skin Specialist

Today I willing encountered an ayurvedic Doc to cure myself of skin problems. He said to talk about my skin problem would cost 30 bucks. Fine. I am willing to spend money to hear an expert opinion.

I have to stop eating rajmah, chawal, Gobi, aloo, chane ki dal, white chane, & many othr vegetables. Is this possible?? Hell NO. Rajmah-Chawal is a favorite and I will never stop eating gobi-aloo. Doc U need to ALOO-CHAAT.

Now comes a lightning bolt. Out of the blues I am told that stop consuming Non-Veg altogether. Go Vaishno.. Vaishno means a pure vegetaranian. Doesn’t bother to ask whether I drink alcohol or smoke cigarettes. Simply tells a tale of a recent kidnapping. Now I don’t go through the childish mishappenings in the city beautiful. I don’t bother to read Chandigarh Times. Why should I? When I can go out and see for myself what is happening in the city do I need the newspapers to tell me the blatant lies.

At this stage my Doc becomes a story-teller. Recites a story about 4 friends. Now 3 friends plan to make money at the expense of the fourth one. They kind of roam around in Panchkula and call this miserable guy’s parents and demand a ransom of 90 lacs. The parents are told, in fact threatened not to inform the police. This is typically filmi style but do the Kidnappers ever learn. The parents are worried and not in the filmi way, they are worried REAL-TIME.

They call the police because their son is suffering a Kidnapping. I think that they call police and make a deal that if their son is rescued then we can give you 2 or 3 lacs. Kinda Cheap, but Police wants money under the table so they now become MEN in ACTION. Now these gang of friends were in Panchkula, thinking that Parents would stupidly send in the monies. But the money never comes, the dreams are shattered, the Police catch them in No Time, it takes just 2 hours to get hold of these bunch of foolishly stupid kiddos. The kids were born to influential parents so they are sent off with a mild warning. I wished they would have been issued a stern backlash for their misconduct & for this Doc to buy more time to justify for my 30 bucks. Man, I wanted to just get out of the room and get some air.

Now, the Doc asks me what the moral of the story is. Thank God, he is frank enough to admit that this was after all a story. In my mind I am contemplating did he demand 30 bucks just to recite a story and have the audacity to listen to the moral I comprehended. Man, I had to blurt out something and this is what I did, "Doc, I make friends and I hang-out with my friends, but in the city itself. So from Your so called story I have learned a lesson that if you want to escape from the prying eyes of the Police, never roam the streets of Panchkula with your friends. Go alone, Go solo, but most important of all, Carry Yourself, Be a Man.

Doc cannot digest this. He starts making strange faces. Now by the looks on his face I get a feeling that either he is going to return me my hard earned 30 bucks or he is going to leave the room. I wish that he could opt for the latter. But he outsmarts me by doing none. I realize this is the toughest Doc I have ever come across in my life. I am surprised by the next move which is probably the least calculated one. He just changes the topic. I feel a little proud that I have scored an ace against such a mighty opponent.

Now the Doc delivers a bombshell. I think he goes in a kamikaze pilot mode and his only purpose is to vacate the premises of my presence because I am a little marginally more straightforward compared to his other patients. Or maybe it is the other way around. I am the toughest bad-ass client he has ever come across. He matter-of-fact says that if I am serious about the treatment then be ready to shell out 100 bucks for a minimum period of six months.

OK, OK, Doc could U just repeat WTF u said?????

Again he repeats his statement. Now I wish I could say BONKERS but the Doc saves me from my despair. He saves me. I don’t know why he had to say this but he says that you may not be cured of the disease you are suffering from after paying this gigantic amount of money which comes to 18,000 bucks for 6 months duration.

I am Numb, I have been rendered speechless, and there is a moment of silence. A long moment of 5 minutes and the Doc is laughing mildly that finally he has emerged victorious. I cannot stand him anymore. I say I need a lot of time to think and I DONT WANNA SEE YOUR FACE EVER AGAIN. With this I reach for the portal to exit the room and slam it BANG on the stupidly cunning doctor.

In a nutshell, AYURVEDA is unreliable. Think twice before U ever wants to go for it. Otherwise I have written all this in vain.